Dating, Relationships and Everything in between 🫠😭…..Conclusion

Hello All, Happy Monday 🫠. I wish it was Friday😭. Hope you are having a better day than mine.

Welcome back to the final part of this gist. I hope you enjoyed the last one.

Lessons learnt? I could right a book 📚 but I will only share a few thoughts.

Firstly, dating doesn't have to happen if I don't want it. In my younger years even till recently, I dated because I was approached and ofcourse it felt amazing to be desirable but it was a big mistake cause I not only wasted my time but the other person's as well.

Remember my Aunty who tried hook me up, yeah that person was not my type in anyway. I remember on of his friends asked me "how did you guys meet?" 😂 We told him and he was like yeah Vele cause he was certain we didn't meet each other. And truly it was a major mismatch. No settling no trying to make it work because everyone think you are "cute" together or "he is a good guy". This doesn't mean they are the one for you. Attraction is as important as intention.

Doing away with the bad examples of a virtuous woman. The women that suffered with a man, the one that was put through a lot and rewarded with marriage. Issa no for me please. I am not strong. I can stone you with a bottle if you call me strong. I am weak please.

Gut feeling. I know a few of us can relate to this one. When you feel it do not ignore it please I beg 😭😭, otherwise your eyes will see what your mouth cannot say out loud. I know that 2months into every past relationship I had I knew what was wrong and also why it won't possible work but I stayed because well "talk about it". Sometimes there isn't anything to talk about. It's just not meant to be. Also, I realised I would also because horrible to the person because they weren't who I wanted so that just lead to resentment.

Set your boundaries, know them and make sure you do not, I repeat do not compromise on them. I really didn't know what my boundaries were and once I did something I just let people act anyhow and be shocked they don't change or respect them. Nice girls don't get the corner office. Yes be called mean and be told you will die alone. And ex once said to me "I hope you find what you are looking for" and Ofcourse I will!

Once I made peace with possibly being alone for a long time over disrespect and just having a partner, that came with some peace🤍🤍. This is not to say I didn't want a partner, I do but I want a respectful one and I am willing to wait.

Compromise. People like to throw this word around. We all make reasonable, emphases on the word reasonable sacrifices. Not to a point you feel lost and in pain. Yes it's ok to just call it quits sometimes. I for example love flowers, I can't marry a man that will blatantly refuse to buy me flowers after sharing how much I love them. It means he hates me 😂. It's that simple. Someone I was once talking to in hopes of a relationship went awol for a week. Came back saying he was going through a lot meanwhile was busy on social media ignoring texts because I was genuinely worried. He reached out after and I told him it was not an excuse for me. I had blocked him actually but he reached out in email to apologise. Honestly I appreciated the apology but it was the end of the road for me there. I just had to use this meme it's so funny😂😭.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. I am Christian and the Bible is my source of reference. If anyone sells you anything less than the above mentioned, hell awaits. Avoid! Run! Fly! Whatever you must do just don't allow anything less.

Sometimes people are just f**ked up. No ifs buts or maybes. That's just it. Simple! Nothing you do or say will change it. No reading between the lines please, you are not an X-Ray machine. We are adults and are fully aware of our behaviour.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/58403c_a767d33750604241bf87aa7d6797e592/480p/mp4/file.mp4

The kind of love we all deserve will come with peace, certainty and clarity. And I pray we all who are interested in long term relationships find it. And also pray it finds us at the right time in the right frame of mind. In the past I will find myself asking my friend "he sent me this what does it mean" when it's right you won't need to ask such questions.

Timing is also an important factor to all of this so is healing. Healing to be honest in my experience isn't a destination similarly with grief. It's a daily effort to move past the hurt. You obviously then reach a point where you are able to talk about these things without crying or feeling any heavy emotion. I say this because if you don't heal how do you recognize the real thing when it comes? Hurt people do hurt people and you might have been a victim once but without healing you might end up being a villain. Talk to someone, pray, do whatever it take to be the kind of person you would want to date.

Ladies especially, I know the societial pressure is a lot more on us and that might lead to some of us settling because so many clocks are against us. I hope we find the strength to hold on. The damage to one's life can be very detrimental when we settle. Some people prey on this desperation and they will use that against you.

I could write a whole book but let me end it here 😂. You and you only know deep down what's best for you. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Be ready to learn, relearn and unlearn as many times as possible on this journey because even when you find the one you have to do the work to nuture it ❤️.

I sincerely hope you enjoyed this short series.

Love is beautiful when done correctly.

Disclaimer: These are personal thoughts and experiences. Not professional advice or counseling. Please I don't want to get sued😂!

Enjoy the rest of your day and week.

Read, Like, Comment, Share and Subscribe 😭

With Love,

Òyètola